The Darwinism of Dating and other Social Failures

Having been recently reintroduced into the ever so awkward environment of dating, I have to say, I hate it. And being that this is my blog and not yours, I am going to tell you why I hate it because you're obviously reading it. Dating doesn't seem like a great deal of fun because it's not. Essentially, it is human natural selection with the ultimate goal in mind of procreating with a suitable genetic credit score. That is not my intention in dating at all, especially when there is genetic identity theft. Most of these thieves can be seen coming at us like an atom bomb, but sadly I cannot use freecreditreport.com to check their genetic credit history. So, instead society or at least I practice social Darwinism. Solely out of the kindness of my heart and because I like to complain I will share with you some of the interesting types that are clearly not making it to the next round on the Darwinism Dating Game. "The I've Been Watching You All Night Guy"
Really? Are you intending to continue to watch me after I leave too? That's not a pick up line, its felony stalking in most states. Thanks guy, now I will not live anywhere without a 22 and a doorman. And being that you have been watching me all night, you should have noticed that your presence isn't exactly required for me to have a good time.
"The Hey Baby I Can Get Your Number Guy"
No. You can't. But what I can give you to avoid instant awkwardness is the number to my local dominoes instead. This way when you realize you got rejected, your already on hold to order some comfort food. Win-win, because I didn't really like my boss when I worked there, so I get a little revenge too. All kidding aside, do not talk to me like this. If you are the type of guy that put the 'K' in classy, it's like mutlipling by zero, you are out of the gene pool before you even got your feet wet.
"The And How Does That Make You Feel Guy"
Short answer to this question, like changing my phone number. I am just throwing caution into the wind on this assumption but, you are probably not a shrink. If you were a shrink, perhaps we'd be having this prying conversation in a nicer establishment, until then don't try and Freud me, because I will win, and you will cry. Me and Freud go way back to middle school when I had no friends and all I did was read, consider that a threat.
"The There Is No Way You're Single Guy"
Please do not argue with me about my relationships or lack there of. I am not projecting friendliness at all, and that is why I am single. If I wanted to date someone bad enough there are plenty of (other) fish dot com. And besides, if you get the chance to know me, odds are against you there, but, you will know why I am single.
"The Over Emotional Could Be a 17 Year Old Girl Guy"
Emotions were trendy about seven years ago. You are just an easy target. I really think you feel like if you seem hyper sensitive you will get the girl. No. You aren't Jared Leto and this isn't My So-Called Life. This is real life, and you need to toughen up a smidge.
"The I Work Out Guy"
Bahahaha....what in the world would give you the impression we have anything in common? I don't even know what free weights are. And, furthermore, Roger Clemons, I don't need your roid rage induced explainations of what it is and why I should be as serious about it as you. Veins popping out of my forehead aren't attractive. Besides, chances are deep down you are a Red Sox fan anyways.

That all being said, there are plenty of great men out there. And they may need kudos too, just not enough to turn them into ego-clad 'I Work Out' guys. But, there is something to be said for the guy that says you're beautiful instead of cute. There is more to be said about the guy that can make you like him, no matter how hard you try not to, solely by being himself. Let's not forget the one who will always open a door for you.