The Darwinism of Dating and other Social Failures

Having been recently reintroduced into the ever so awkward environment of dating, I have to say, I hate it. And being that this is my blog and not yours, I am going to tell you why I hate it because you're obviously reading it. Dating doesn't seem like a great deal of fun because it's not. Essentially, it is human natural selection with the ultimate goal in mind of procreating with a suitable genetic credit score. That is not my intention in dating at all, especially when there is genetic identity theft. Most of these thieves can be seen coming at us like an atom bomb, but sadly I cannot use freecreditreport.com to check their genetic credit history. So, instead society or at least I practice social Darwinism. Solely out of the kindness of my heart and because I like to complain I will share with you some of the interesting types that are clearly not making it to the next round on the Darwinism Dating Game. "The I've Been Watching You All Night Guy"
Really? Are you intending to continue to watch me after I leave too? That's not a pick up line, its felony stalking in most states. Thanks guy, now I will not live anywhere without a 22 and a doorman. And being that you have been watching me all night, you should have noticed that your presence isn't exactly required for me to have a good time.
"The Hey Baby I Can Get Your Number Guy"
No. You can't. But what I can give you to avoid instant awkwardness is the number to my local dominoes instead. This way when you realize you got rejected, your already on hold to order some comfort food. Win-win, because I didn't really like my boss when I worked there, so I get a little revenge too. All kidding aside, do not talk to me like this. If you are the type of guy that put the 'K' in classy, it's like mutlipling by zero, you are out of the gene pool before you even got your feet wet.
"The And How Does That Make You Feel Guy"
Short answer to this question, like changing my phone number. I am just throwing caution into the wind on this assumption but, you are probably not a shrink. If you were a shrink, perhaps we'd be having this prying conversation in a nicer establishment, until then don't try and Freud me, because I will win, and you will cry. Me and Freud go way back to middle school when I had no friends and all I did was read, consider that a threat.
"The There Is No Way You're Single Guy"
Please do not argue with me about my relationships or lack there of. I am not projecting friendliness at all, and that is why I am single. If I wanted to date someone bad enough there are plenty of (other) fish dot com. And besides, if you get the chance to know me, odds are against you there, but, you will know why I am single.
"The Over Emotional Could Be a 17 Year Old Girl Guy"
Emotions were trendy about seven years ago. You are just an easy target. I really think you feel like if you seem hyper sensitive you will get the girl. No. You aren't Jared Leto and this isn't My So-Called Life. This is real life, and you need to toughen up a smidge.
"The I Work Out Guy"
Bahahaha....what in the world would give you the impression we have anything in common? I don't even know what free weights are. And, furthermore, Roger Clemons, I don't need your roid rage induced explainations of what it is and why I should be as serious about it as you. Veins popping out of my forehead aren't attractive. Besides, chances are deep down you are a Red Sox fan anyways.

That all being said, there are plenty of great men out there. And they may need kudos too, just not enough to turn them into ego-clad 'I Work Out' guys. But, there is something to be said for the guy that says you're beautiful instead of cute. There is more to be said about the guy that can make you like him, no matter how hard you try not to, solely by being himself. Let's not forget the one who will always open a door for you.

Fact or Fiction: The Small Business Learning Curve

I was reading an article today and it was about operating a small business and the ups and downs that come along with it. And, it got me to thinking about what I have learned, de-bunked and rationalized about the ship I run and the misconceptions that most people have about running a small business. It was interesting to look back and reflect on the past and pondering the upcoming months. Many things have changed and many more changes are on the way. It is an exciting time, however, growth and expansion are still somewhat scary. It is the nervous scared, not the chicken scared. So, here is my compilation, maybe something will help you in your ventures.

1. One pixel at a time
When you venture into the isolation of sole proprietor, I think of it as metaphorically adopting a puppy that never ages. That puppy will always be an adorable puppy, snugly, cute and clumsy. My 'puppy' I would name something super camera savvy and faux pas, like JPEG, I would love him more and more everyday. But, JPEG, cute as a button, will always chew up my beloved shoes and never be potty trained, for JPEG will never grow up.
It is like this, I will always be in love with photography, at times more than I love others, I will always want to freeze time, capture a moment. I am a memory preservationist, and I am okay with that. But I hate paperwork. It's a pain in the ass and I will do anything possible to avoid it. So much wonderful origami is not being created because I have paperwork that just has to be done.
And once you accept that in order to do what you love and live your dream you have to do and file the essential paperwork, you accept it, but it will always chew your Choo's. And it is hard to accept that there is an ugly side to steering your own ship, there are always those cons for the pros, for me those cons will never take over ownership from the pros. I love what I do. Point blank. No matter the day, the situation, the circumstance, I will always love my life, my career, my company. Hey, those shoes weren't that practical anyways.

2. 'The more we work together the happier we'll be'
Just lying. It was actually, and sadly, that I had one of those life altering epiphany moments in which I realized I own more than just my own car. I own a business. Pretty much by myself. Don't get me wrong, there are many people who have helped me out along the way, some more than others, some have lent me their advice and slash or support, others have gone further and strapped NASA grade rocket boosters to my ass. And I appreciate that more than anyone will ever know, especially those that think I am an ungrateful bitch. Yep. I said it, it's my blog not yours. This is my business, my dream, my life, my success or my failure. If I fail, it will be solely because of me and no one else, and I prefer it that way. I control my future, I control my life and whether I make it or not it will be because of me. I make the decisions and I stand by them. No one elses choices will be a catalyst to my rise or fall, not to sound to Hitler or anything.

3.'Early bird gets the worm'
Right well, as a person sympathetic towards animals, I am on a mission to save the worm from the insomniac bird. Being that I just made a statement about this being my venture, I am still only one person and I am somewhat small, hips aside. This being said, there is so much frickin work involved in owning a photography business that I could work 24-7 and still forget to fill out some kind of paperwork somewhere. I obviously am okay with this, since, I am still a photographer, but damn, can I sleep a little longer once in awhile, well no. My favorite misconception that comes from, well, ignorance, is that I have tons of free time and barely do a thing, and how do you put it....don't really have a job. Right. You betcha. Not only do I work my tail off, I have the coolest boss ever, and I should be offended by lack of knowledge statements, but I accept envious motives for what they truly are.
Anyone who feels this way is more than welcome to attend 'bring your ass to work day' where you can gladly follow me at a reasonable distance behind me, and tag along like a third wheel. You will enjoy several sessions in humid 90 degree plus weather, hours of marketing, emails and post processing, print orders, etc
I cannot say that others would enjoy this, but I love it. Bob Marley said, "Stand in love, don't fall in love" well, I am standing in love with my career and all the chromatic aberrations I can get.
I am not partial to the weather conditions, I will still love what I do. It can be freezing, scorching, it doesn't matter, I will go out in it for hours, because i love it.
There is alot of sacrifice to be able to do what it is that you love to do. Hell, sacrifice comes to dinner more than I do, because I am working. There are long hours, but they are still fun, assuming it doesn't entail paperwork. I have taken risks, given up things and it is still worth it. I get to travel, I get to meet people from every walk of life, I know a mechanic, a lawyer, an accountant, a clown, a dental tech, a contractor, a musician, I could go on and on for days, i meet the coolest people. My clients are better than other photographers, I can say that, its my blog. My clients make my day, everyday, and they think I am equally cool. They are considerate, and they trust me with their monumental life moments, I don't know if there is a better felling than that. I watch their kids grow, and they become a part of my family, too. I could go on and on. You know what though, I am an artist, I am an unconventional, free spirited artist, and my clients appreciate that, because it translates into ethereal images of the ones they love the most.
Once you know your niche, you know who is going to be your client and who wont. And I can tell now, being that this isn't my first rodeo, when to say no, when to recommend a photographer rather than take the sale, because you know it will not be a good collaboration. Some clients don't 'click' (photo pun intended) with some photographers. Accepting that sometimes you have to say no to people, that is ironically one of the choices that lead to a more successful business. It is similar to discovering that 3 rights is equal to one left.

When I am asked what i do for a living, I usually stop and think about it, and it sounds weird to say im a photographer, because it what I love to do and its not a job to me, its a choice. And I am alays reminded of that choice when i hear, "you could have been a doctor"
Yes, I could have, but I am okay being a smarter than the average bear memory presorvationist.

Time can do so much...

In a recent episode of Through the Wormhole, with Morgan Freeman, the theory was brought up that some people support about time. Basically, some theorists think that what we know about time, in terms of hours, minutes, seconds, etc is not completely legit. They suggest the idea of time having two dimensions instead of just one dimension. I liked this idea because I feel like it validates why I am always late. As, what we know about time may not be as valid as we thought. So, after watching this I have become somewhat occupied with the thought of time, and portraying time visually. Time is the one common denominator in every persons life, no matter who you are, where you live, what language you speak. You are none the less affected by time. Time is like the huge elephant in the room in every one's life, whether it is not enough time left to a terminally ill person or too much time to an unemployed or transient person. Time is what draws us all together, even if some of us are running 10-15 behind.

So, I have noticed that I keep photographing time, and I have been doing it subconsciously for awhile. It is like taking a picture of where you parked your car when you get somewhere, by far one of the coolest thing I was taught by my editor at JU. Anyways, I have noticed looking back at some of my pictures, like this one I took when me and my boyfriends went to watch the shuttle Atlantis launch. I take tons of pictures of time. So, if what we know about time is, in fact, expired, what does that mean about how we relate to time now?

Well, we don't really have to worry too much about that as times other illegitimate dimension is just a theory, for now, until it needs money for college. Anyways, so in browsing my play instantly Netflix options the other day, I came across this movie, Timer, well, that seems up my alley already and I am solely basing it on the title. So, I watched it. And it takes this odd sci-fi approach to finding soul mates and totally takes the fun out of life and instills frantic paranoia. So, this was a great movie. Modern science is able to install a timer on your wrist and it will count down to the day you are to meet your alleged soul mate. That is, assuming, that your alleged soul mate also has had a timer installed. This makes me think, can I have a timer that will tell me when I meet people in my life that are real friends? Or rather maybe I could get a bull shit meter, or something similar. I am not a fan of a soul mate timer, as I am not a believer in soul mates, but that is for another day. I really think that a device can be fabricator to determine if and when we meet people that they are good people and will make a good friend. Aside from carrying around a lie detector machine and awkwardly hooking up random people you just met to this device, thus challenging any chance at actual friendship by immediately questioning their trust, morals and friendship capabilities, there must be a way to filter out the assholes.

Maybe there is a way to alter the current watches, clocks and other devices with alarms to where the alarm will sound when someone that is a little shady comes into life. Maybe like a loose morals monitor. I am no scientist here, but I am almost certain there is a way.

I am being legitimately serious here, I am not getting any younger and I am growing tired of having people in my life turn into raging bitches of betrayal. Now, you all should know, if you have the ability to read this, I am clearly not talking about you. If you can see it but don't understand it, maybe you just simply cant read. I like my life alot, I love everything about it. I have a cool job, I wish I made alot more money, but I have a great ass job. I love my boyfriend, sometimes it pisses me off when he changes the channel when I am watching stuff, but I still love him to pieces. I have a great family, and I have great friends, for the most part, but I cannot take the people that have multiple personalities all of which have personality disorders.

I would like to know where I can purchase my loose morals monitor and if I can pay online uses my debit card. This post has gone completely off track, and I am okay with that, as I dont have time to write it over.

Be Kind, Rewind

Now, I am well aware that I do not live in a neighborhood that requires you mow your grass or pay homeowners fees, but since when does that mean consideration is also not required? I keep to myself, I don't bother the neighbors, I am considerate and respectful, I would like the same, please.

There are two nice ladies that live near me and the rest of the street is flocked with lunatics, pirates and rednecks. I only ask that pick up after yourself and take of the things you chose to own, like your dog.

This is not taking care of your dogs..this is the opposite. This is a great way to back up over the dogs. I did see this dog aggressively run after a man in a wheelchair. Yes, I did. Black dog eats the lady next doors newspaper. So, now the dog is also a thief. Habitual offender. Now if this was the only problem with the house of 1000 kids. I am sure I could deal with it but it is not. Clean up your act people!!! I am not sure if they a small army of kids but I have no idea who actually lives there. People are always coming and going, and you know this is a sign that you are doing something shady! Yep. And even shadier, they don't knock on the door, their visitors, they walk around the house and knock on windows. Well, that's shady. And is it so hard to pick up your trash cans? Exhibit B:

The trash comes once a week. Now, I came to the conclusion that they just leave the can at the road so they don't have to take it back and forth to the house and to the curb. Yet, sometimes it gets a little windy and your crap filled trash cans blow in the road and cars hit them and slash or have to swerve around them and come dangerously close to my own car. And I know that you cannot afford to fix my car when it gets hit because of your trash cans. So, little tip, send one of the 1000 kids at your house out to pick up the can! Or have you began to train your dog to fetch the can, as he is always outside chasing people anyways?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Let me just tell you a story.
Let me set the scene. Yesterday, Memorial Day, holiday. Mid-afternoon. I am sitting outside, enjoying the weather. My phone rings and its a private number. (red flag) I assume its my boyfriend, who has a work phone that shows up as private.
So, I answer. Here goes:
Me: Hello
Private Number: Hi, is this Cynthia?
Me: Yes, it sure is, how can I help you, private caller
Private Number: Hi, my name is changed to protect my crazy identity and I saw that you are a photographer in Florida and I am interested in getting some photos taken of me and my 'wife' for our 25th anniversary.
Me: Oh, congratulatulations! That is awesome 25 years.

Long story short, Private Caller guy, kept me on the phone for over 30 minutes. First he inquires into this anniversary thing, then asks me if I am near a computer. Well, its 2011, so yes. Apparently he has already emailed me some pictures of him and his wife and a nice family photo too. I thought my job was photos? Well, he says he is from NYC and planning a trip to Florida. I ask, Orlando or Jacksonville as I work in both. And smart ass says, well we will be in both cities actually. And then asks me what I think of him and his wife. What? Huh? I say, you look happy. (red flag)
So, then he goes into asking about my approach to photography and art such and then throws in another, what do you think of me and my wife. So, I ignored it and he goes on and on about how they want to find a photographer that they can really be comfortable with and all this stuff (red flag)
After beating around the bush, pun intended, he then asks me if i am against taking nude photos, and my repky was, I charge extra for that. (red flag)
So, does this crazy man, who is talking so low I can barely hear him, even though there is no background noise what so ever, is telling me they rent a house in Orlando, with a healing room and they are both massage therapists and both have their PhD in human sexology, (red flag) and they are both sexologist (red flag) and that they just want to help people have better relationships.
I dont care.
I don't think you could even pay me to care.
So, by now I have tried to get his man off the phone several times and even suggest he just email what he wants. And I start randonly rubbing my phone on my shirt to create static, ya know bad signal.
He tells me that they rent a house in Orlando that has a helaing room with a heated massage table and I don't care. Then he asks me if I have a husband or boyfriend (red flag) I just pretended I didn't hear him, ya know bad signal. So then he drops a bomb, I should say again.
He says he just wants to say that him and his wife are swingers and starts talking about that. in detail. RED FLAG.
I hung up. I had a bad signal.
And he then calls me back 30 sometimes in 15 minutes, from a private number.
Yall please keep your crazy to yourself. If you cannot contain your crazy, there is a place for you, a nice padded place.

Thank you, come again?!?!

Right so, there is a restaurant near my boyfriends house and they have delicious wings. And on Tuesdays you can get those delicious wings for like 55 cents. They have really good food on days other than Tuesday, too. And they have cheap beer. So, being that it is super close to my boyfriends house, and delicious we eat there often. And I really do not want to give away the name of this establishment because I'd like to think that what I am about to describe to you is merely a fluke in their logistics operations.
So, last night we go to said restaurant near the NAS area, and it is not wing night but it sure is build your own burger night! WooHoo!! So ironically we end up ordering the same thing, a medium rare burger, with mushrooms, bacon, bbq sauce and onion straws and onion rings. Remember this.
We eat our appetizer and it was delicious. Our food comes out shortly thereafter. It is important to remind you readers, or reader I should say, I am wearing a white shirt, which I never wear white unless I am shooting and it is hot outside. So, I have braved the white for once. The waitress walks up to our table carrying two plates. Just two, with her TWO hands. Gets to the table puts my boyfriends food in front of him and puts mine in my lap.
Yes on the one day I wear white, and did you remember I ordered bbq sauce. Now, I am not a mean person and I couldn't be mad at her, I was a server. I never spilled anything on anyone, but I was a server. So, after many fake apologies and I have never done that befores, she cleans up her mess, and I ask her if she can bring me a wet towel or something as I am now wearing white and my dinner. What does she say but, there are some wet naps on the table near the napkins.
And, I am getting mad now. One, I asked for a towel, not a fun sized towelette. It is called a towelette because it doesn't fit the requirements of being a towel. Two, there were no wet naps near the napkins, just sugar. So, am I supposed to use that?!? And be greasy and gritty and attract ants??
So, she says to us, well, you ordered your burger medium rare, so it wont take long to remake, I'll have them do it on the fly. Uh....yeah you will because YOU DROPPED MINE ON ME. So, my boyfriend has his food, and he is so sweet he tries to give it to me and wait for the other one. But, I want to wait and eat together as that's why we went out to eat at said restaurant near Pizza Hut, but not Pizza Hut, that has trivia on Monday nights.
In tradition of bas service, our server is now taking forever to do everything, I think it's because she is avoiding our table now. She comes by to tell us it will be out any minute and we remind her that she has yet to bring us the sauce that comes with our onions rings and that burger number one is missing onion straws. So, what else do you do when your in this boat? Order a beer. When my food FINALLY comes out, we still have no sauce for our onion rings or my previously mentioned beer. But, she did remember to put some onion straws in a bowl for burger number one, which she almost dropped on me!?!?!
By now, I am hungry enough to have started picking of off my boyfriends plate, which is now cold. So, I am not into anything but eating. After our food is dropped off, and she is reminded again,we get our onion ring sauce.
So, a nano-bit into my burger, I happen to notice that it is basically raw. Not medium rare, not rare, raw. You can taste the cold hamburger and the bottom of the bun in covered in salt. And the onion rings are kinda not done either. I'd rather wait for my food to be cooked properly than eat salty, raw junk.
So, when our server comes back to our table an ice age later. My boyfriend, who is now eating the raw burger and has given me his and I keep offering it back to him but he has lost his appetite over all this, tells the server what is up and that we just want our check so that we can just leave, after he lists all her eff ups. So, what does she do? Bring us our check and the beer we ordered when Baroque art was cool. Really lady? Whatcha doing that is taking you forever and a day to complete one task?
So, now, I really do not want to mention the name of said establishment because I hope this is a one time rarity, but, really come on. No ones going to go to all your poker nights if your servers are retards.

Truth is generally the best vindication against slander

"The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything."

I'd like to add, it's only after you realize who your true friends are that you are free to do anything. Finding out who they are is the hardest part of all. Michelle and Barack Obama just recently did a PR event on bullying in youths, and it was very touching and supportive for those who are bullied. Maybe most people don't realize that bullying is an ageless issue. It doesn't matter how old you are, someones always gong to want to  push you around.
Here's the thing though, I am tired of it. I was picked on as a child because I was a chubby kid.Well, as an adult, a much thinner adult, I am still picked on. I bother no one, I am nice to everyone I meet. And yet, I still cannot escape the depths some will go to in an effort to make themselves feel better.
Its has been about 8 months that I have tried to be the bigger person and ignore the things people said about me for no good reason.
I am not an insecure person at all and I have spent years honing in on the people around me. I have surrounded myself with the best of the very best and those are my friends. I have no room in my life or my closet to manage baggage that belongs to others.
Everyone is bullied at one point in life or another, but it usually ends with adolescents. Notice, I didn't mention an age. When adults become targets of bullying the stakes are alot higher. When adults become bullies, the levels they will stoop to are alot lower. It has been almost a full year that I have been dealing with alleged adults and their sophomoric behavior. I have learned that being the bigger person and ignoring them only adds fuel to their fire. However, I am only willing to ignore them. I have no time to acknowledge their ratchet ways, nor do I even want to. Just hearing about it is exhausting enough, how do people have this much time? Most of this targeted bullying stems from jealously and that's a shame.
The moral of this story, is that we, as humans, need to start thinking a little bit more about what we do. And what we say and stop making crap up. If you have that much time to dedicate to enviously destroying someones life, let me know, I have some paperwork you can file or cars to wash. Go volunteer somewhere or get a job. And when you are down trying to ruin my life and realize it's not working, look back and calculate how time and dedication you wasted. Time, you will never get back.