Let me just tell you a story.
Let me set the scene. Yesterday, Memorial Day, holiday. Mid-afternoon. I am sitting outside, enjoying the weather. My phone rings and its a private number. (red flag) I assume its my boyfriend, who has a work phone that shows up as private.
So, I answer. Here goes:
Me: Hello
Private Number: Hi, is this Cynthia?
Me: Yes, it sure is, how can I help you, private caller
Private Number: Hi, my name is changed to protect my crazy identity and I saw that you are a photographer in Florida and I am interested in getting some photos taken of me and my 'wife' for our 25th anniversary.
Me: Oh, congratulatulations! That is awesome 25 years.
Long story short, Private Caller guy, kept me on the phone for over 30 minutes. First he inquires into this anniversary thing, then asks me if I am near a computer. Well, its 2011, so yes. Apparently he has already emailed me some pictures of him and his wife and a nice family photo too. I thought my job was photos? Well, he says he is from NYC and planning a trip to Florida. I ask, Orlando or Jacksonville as I work in both. And smart ass says, well we will be in both cities actually. And then asks me what I think of him and his wife. What? Huh? I say, you look happy. (red flag)
So, then he goes into asking about my approach to photography and art such and then throws in another, what do you think of me and my wife. So, I ignored it and he goes on and on about how they want to find a photographer that they can really be comfortable with and all this stuff (red flag)
After beating around the bush, pun intended, he then asks me if i am against taking nude photos, and my repky was, I charge extra for that. (red flag)
So, does this crazy man, who is talking so low I can barely hear him, even though there is no background noise what so ever, is telling me they rent a house in Orlando, with a healing room and they are both massage therapists and both have their PhD in human sexology, (red flag) and they are both sexologist (red flag) and that they just want to help people have better relationships.
I dont care.
I don't think you could even pay me to care.
So, by now I have tried to get his man off the phone several times and even suggest he just email what he wants. And I start randonly rubbing my phone on my shirt to create static, ya know bad signal.
He tells me that they rent a house in Orlando that has a helaing room with a heated massage table and I don't care. Then he asks me if I have a husband or boyfriend (red flag) I just pretended I didn't hear him, ya know bad signal. So then he drops a bomb, I should say again.
He says he just wants to say that him and his wife are swingers and starts talking about that. in detail. RED FLAG.
I hung up. I had a bad signal.
And he then calls me back 30 sometimes in 15 minutes, from a private number.
Yall please keep your crazy to yourself. If you cannot contain your crazy, there is a place for you, a nice padded place.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thank you, come again?!?!
Right so, there is a restaurant near my boyfriends house and they have delicious wings. And on Tuesdays you can get those delicious wings for like 55 cents. They have really good food on days other than Tuesday, too. And they have cheap beer. So, being that it is super close to my boyfriends house, and delicious we eat there often. And I really do not want to give away the name of this establishment because I'd like to think that what I am about to describe to you is merely a fluke in their logistics operations.
So, last night we go to said restaurant near the NAS area, and it is not wing night but it sure is build your own burger night! WooHoo!! So ironically we end up ordering the same thing, a medium rare burger, with mushrooms, bacon, bbq sauce and onion straws and onion rings. Remember this.
We eat our appetizer and it was delicious. Our food comes out shortly thereafter. It is important to remind you readers, or reader I should say, I am wearing a white shirt, which I never wear white unless I am shooting and it is hot outside. So, I have braved the white for once. The waitress walks up to our table carrying two plates. Just two, with her TWO hands. Gets to the table puts my boyfriends food in front of him and puts mine in my lap.
Yes on the one day I wear white, and did you remember I ordered bbq sauce. Now, I am not a mean person and I couldn't be mad at her, I was a server. I never spilled anything on anyone, but I was a server. So, after many fake apologies and I have never done that befores, she cleans up her mess, and I ask her if she can bring me a wet towel or something as I am now wearing white and my dinner. What does she say but, there are some wet naps on the table near the napkins.
And, I am getting mad now. One, I asked for a towel, not a fun sized towelette. It is called a towelette because it doesn't fit the requirements of being a towel. Two, there were no wet naps near the napkins, just sugar. So, am I supposed to use that?!? And be greasy and gritty and attract ants??
So, she says to us, well, you ordered your burger medium rare, so it wont take long to remake, I'll have them do it on the fly. Uh....yeah you will because YOU DROPPED MINE ON ME. So, my boyfriend has his food, and he is so sweet he tries to give it to me and wait for the other one. But, I want to wait and eat together as that's why we went out to eat at said restaurant near Pizza Hut, but not Pizza Hut, that has trivia on Monday nights.
In tradition of bas service, our server is now taking forever to do everything, I think it's because she is avoiding our table now. She comes by to tell us it will be out any minute and we remind her that she has yet to bring us the sauce that comes with our onions rings and that burger number one is missing onion straws. So, what else do you do when your in this boat? Order a beer. When my food FINALLY comes out, we still have no sauce for our onion rings or my previously mentioned beer. But, she did remember to put some onion straws in a bowl for burger number one, which she almost dropped on me!?!?!
By now, I am hungry enough to have started picking of off my boyfriends plate, which is now cold. So, I am not into anything but eating. After our food is dropped off, and she is reminded again,we get our onion ring sauce.
So, a nano-bit into my burger, I happen to notice that it is basically raw. Not medium rare, not rare, raw. You can taste the cold hamburger and the bottom of the bun in covered in salt. And the onion rings are kinda not done either. I'd rather wait for my food to be cooked properly than eat salty, raw junk.
So, when our server comes back to our table an ice age later. My boyfriend, who is now eating the raw burger and has given me his and I keep offering it back to him but he has lost his appetite over all this, tells the server what is up and that we just want our check so that we can just leave, after he lists all her eff ups. So, what does she do? Bring us our check and the beer we ordered when Baroque art was cool. Really lady? Whatcha doing that is taking you forever and a day to complete one task?
So, now, I really do not want to mention the name of said establishment because I hope this is a one time rarity, but, really come on. No ones going to go to all your poker nights if your servers are retards.
So, last night we go to said restaurant near the NAS area, and it is not wing night but it sure is build your own burger night! WooHoo!! So ironically we end up ordering the same thing, a medium rare burger, with mushrooms, bacon, bbq sauce and onion straws and onion rings. Remember this.
We eat our appetizer and it was delicious. Our food comes out shortly thereafter. It is important to remind you readers, or reader I should say, I am wearing a white shirt, which I never wear white unless I am shooting and it is hot outside. So, I have braved the white for once. The waitress walks up to our table carrying two plates. Just two, with her TWO hands. Gets to the table puts my boyfriends food in front of him and puts mine in my lap.
Yes on the one day I wear white, and did you remember I ordered bbq sauce. Now, I am not a mean person and I couldn't be mad at her, I was a server. I never spilled anything on anyone, but I was a server. So, after many fake apologies and I have never done that befores, she cleans up her mess, and I ask her if she can bring me a wet towel or something as I am now wearing white and my dinner. What does she say but, there are some wet naps on the table near the napkins.
And, I am getting mad now. One, I asked for a towel, not a fun sized towelette. It is called a towelette because it doesn't fit the requirements of being a towel. Two, there were no wet naps near the napkins, just sugar. So, am I supposed to use that?!? And be greasy and gritty and attract ants??
So, she says to us, well, you ordered your burger medium rare, so it wont take long to remake, I'll have them do it on the fly. Uh....yeah you will because YOU DROPPED MINE ON ME. So, my boyfriend has his food, and he is so sweet he tries to give it to me and wait for the other one. But, I want to wait and eat together as that's why we went out to eat at said restaurant near Pizza Hut, but not Pizza Hut, that has trivia on Monday nights.
In tradition of bas service, our server is now taking forever to do everything, I think it's because she is avoiding our table now. She comes by to tell us it will be out any minute and we remind her that she has yet to bring us the sauce that comes with our onions rings and that burger number one is missing onion straws. So, what else do you do when your in this boat? Order a beer. When my food FINALLY comes out, we still have no sauce for our onion rings or my previously mentioned beer. But, she did remember to put some onion straws in a bowl for burger number one, which she almost dropped on me!?!?!
By now, I am hungry enough to have started picking of off my boyfriends plate, which is now cold. So, I am not into anything but eating. After our food is dropped off, and she is reminded again,we get our onion ring sauce.
So, a nano-bit into my burger, I happen to notice that it is basically raw. Not medium rare, not rare, raw. You can taste the cold hamburger and the bottom of the bun in covered in salt. And the onion rings are kinda not done either. I'd rather wait for my food to be cooked properly than eat salty, raw junk.
So, when our server comes back to our table an ice age later. My boyfriend, who is now eating the raw burger and has given me his and I keep offering it back to him but he has lost his appetite over all this, tells the server what is up and that we just want our check so that we can just leave, after he lists all her eff ups. So, what does she do? Bring us our check and the beer we ordered when Baroque art was cool. Really lady? Whatcha doing that is taking you forever and a day to complete one task?
So, now, I really do not want to mention the name of said establishment because I hope this is a one time rarity, but, really come on. No ones going to go to all your poker nights if your servers are retards.
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